Having never made a plan in my life, I been fortunate to have lived many lives in one. The diversity of the magnificent and magical people I’ve met and the unusual yet captivating places I’ve been, truly opened my mind considerably. The divergence of learning differences and recognising similarities in all realms of existence, along with my happy go lucky nature, has taken me sometimes way off the beaten track. From time to time there was no road. Now and then there was not even a path. But my unquenchable thirst for understanding the human condition kept me steadfast in all of my adventures. 

Last year I was not in a good place. I found myself in tremendous pain. I have never seen the world in the same way as others. I have never allowed myself to be put into a box but let’s just say this, I was not in a good place. 

After a good bash at sobriety, I was numbing my pain again. I realised there were still many issues that hadn’t been addressed. For me, they were the toughest ones of all. I had to make peace at home and I had to choose who I really wanted to have in my life going forward. I made a conscious choice to let certain people go. I didn’t have the courage to explain myself at the time as there were so many financial implications and personal complications. Some treasured close friends confided in me. Some truths came out whilst I was in the darkest bouts of depression. I was shackled by loyalty, so I didn’t confront the issues head-on. I may have been a junkie but I’ve never been a grass. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t tell a soul about the enormity of my pain. I was heartbroken. I couldn’t deal with it. I had to work things out my own way.

I used the fragility of my delusional bravado whilst under the influence to raise awareness of heinous crimes against humanity. Let’s say this ruffled lots of feathers. For this, I have no regrets. I stand firm in my beliefs. Even in my darkest moments, I know who I am.